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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I decided to hit up the Cambridge Farmers’ Market. You know, the one on Victoria Square? I was all hyped for fresh produce and maybe some artisanal cheese. I mean, who doesn’t love cheese, right? But when I got there, it was packed! Like, shoulder-to-shoulder packed. I felt like a sardine in a can.

Young Mathematics Talent Bound For Cambridge With Sir Douglas Myers Scholarship